Providing employee assistance services for corporations for over 20 years has enabled me to make some observations of how athletics, in junior or senior high school levels help women in both their business and personal lives. This is particularly true for women in management positions. Both in sessions, and in corporate consultations, I routinely ask women about any background in athletics during their adolescent development.

How does it help them? I have seen five ways in which the participation in athletics directly relates to benefits later on in their lives.

First of all whenever personal crises, addictive habits, or a job burnout creates difficulty with mood and energy, a woman who has previously been in athletics, can return to that part of her life's discipline as a way to you begin to get unstuck and recover from this difficulty. They remember the experience of a workout which leaves them pleasantly fatigued, perspiring. Then after experiencing a cleansing shower, getting dressed, the world looks better to them. That is when an individual's brain chemistry is at its best.

Secondly, the experience of putting aside personal differences to work together as a part of a team with other women toward some common goal translates well later on when group projects require teamwork without seeing every other woman as a competitor.

Too often, I have observed women's management styles emulate that of mothers bossing children, giving two kinds of feedback to subordinates – none and negative. The experience of relating to coaches and being coached translates into a management style that provides coaching, teaching, mentoring, encouragement, as well as a matter-of-fact focus on performance expectations. Lack of performance is not seen as a personal affront, but a challenge the subordinate must master.

Being able to push through the hard places in life is a fourth benefit from athletic experiences. There are two sports, more than the others, which breed a certain mental discipline and toughness for experiences later in life: Track and swimming.

“Why these two sports?” you ask. Think of what is involved in the training; hours of solitude, without applause or encouragement, pushing yourself to do your personal best.

Your body says, “This is really getting uncomfortable. I want to quit.”
But your mind overrides the body with, "You will not quit. You will keep going. You are not quitting before you're done.”

Later in life, this experience helps women see themselves through difficulties  in both their career and family situations, helping them to push through and finish projects that others would simply neglect or give up on.
Body image issues are greatly minimized when an athlete has spent a time in dialogue with her own body through training and participation in sports. Later on, it makes it much easier for her to return to this dialogue through workout activities in a more productive and friendly way rather than seeing it as a negative contested struggle against her own body.

In my work with families and adolescents, I do promote the notion that it is important for girls at this age to experience some form of athletic endeavor. It pays great mental, physical and psychological benefits for the rest of their lives.

 Inertia – that sense of stuckness that plagues us all from time to time- is a common complaint for clients that want a better life. Inertia is a term that comes from physics describing the motion, or non-motion, of a body of mass. Newton’s first law of motion states, “A body at rest tends to remain at rest unless acted upon by an outside force.”


“I know what I should be doing, but I just can’t seem to make myself get up and do it.” Or “There are so many things I need to pay attention to, I just don’t know where to start.”


Usually, my approach for men is different from that of women.


For men, the most common approach is to get them to begin by organizing, or clearing up, or caring for some of the spaces in their lives. This can include their vehicle,(usually a good place for them to start), their home office, yard, garage, tools, or even just their sock drawer. To have men organize and care for some territory they have acquired or reign over touches some more primitive masculine archetypal place in the psyche. To master some these neglected areas frees up energy for other tasks. So for many men, it is a great symbolic place to start.


For women, whose focus is more on “inner space” and relatedness, the approach to stuckness is often to return the focus to the relationship with the body. This becomes one of the primary relationships for women when separating from the mother. To become one’s own mother requires conscious focus for it is too easy to neglect adequately nurturing all of what the body and soul needs in the process of attending to the needs of the others in one’s life.


“Start with your body.” is what I often tell women. “Begin by focusing on the relationship with your own body.” That can include paying attention to everything the body needs including proper rest and sleep. It includes making conscious choices as to everything you put into your body; water, oxygen, food, drink, men, nutrients, etc. “Start here.” is my mantra for most women.


Movement, physical movement, for everyone is essential. Walking outside is usually my preferred place to start - in nature. Outside light is the best antidote for what some describe as “Seasonal Affective Disorder


Newton’s second law of motion, “ A body in motion tends to remain in motion unless acted upon by an outside force” now comes into play. Mastering just one fundamental task energizes the whole being to take on the next best challenge.

.”

“Yes, Newton, the world has speeded up for everyone. And, No, Newton, you will not get it all done.”

This is what I tell the businessman and his assistant in the hall as we stop to chat this week.

“People in all walks of life are having that same experience. They feel just like you do. Their “to do” list grows each week. They complain of working longer hours just to keep up the demands of the job. Whoever they answer to expects more of them. “

The trend of ever increasing work demands seems particularly true for those working in the private sector or self employment.      (For some reason, those employed by government either complain less or are immune to this trend.)


Another trend I have noted in my practice, that people more frequently complain that life comes at them with emotionally charged events, at a pace faster than they can metabolize. When this occurs both in their personal and work life, anxiety, irritability, burnout, and depression follow. Health issues appear from inadequate attempts to calm the inner turmoil. Friendships suffer. People no longer play. Couples no longer take time for bonding between just the two of them. Sex becomes one more item on a ‘should get this done’ list.

A number of authors – “channelers”, they are called, - began, at about the same time, writing after the “harmonic convergence” of 1988 that as we move through this 25 year period of 1988 to 2012 ( the last nanosecond in a 25,000 year cycle) that every few years it would seem that events come to us with greater speed. That we would have less time to sit and process them before the next event or experience would be upon us. ( More to come on this topic later in this week.)


In noting the seeming effect of someone having dialed up the ‘speed dial’ on the world, and each year, time moving faster, people are more in need of paying attention to what is takes to adapt to this shift in their lives.

Over the next few posts, I will discuss some of my thoughts on what this shift means and how to adapt more effectively.

For now: Each day, take time to stop. Engage in some meditative activity. It is essential. Some activity that has the ability to ground you in time and space, holding you to the present moment.
Draw, sketch, Zentangle, write a poem,( anything from free verse to limericks to haiku will work), All of these are creative activities that slow the mind and body; helping up go inward and downward, to a place of safety and sanctuary.

We cannot slow the pace of the outer world or its events, but we can influence the pace of our inner world, and thus our personal world.

Coming back to the writing life after a period of weeks getting caught up on the office work from having been away on retreat, life begins to resume some sense of normality. The predawn thunderstorm that came through here two hours ago did remind me of how much safer it feels to in one’s home than out in nature at such times.

A return to my morning ritual of journal writing brings back a sense of harmony to life, no matter how much the demands of work life may intrude into one’s thought life. Writing, walking, weights, and water, all in increased amounts is what is takes to realign my body, mind, psyche and soul.

Learning what it takes to regain balance and perspective in life, so as not to get so far afield that one loses perspective, has, at times, been a challenge. Learning not only what it takes, but then actually doing it, has been one of the keys to continued growth and richness of my life.

 A belief that has been a part of my personal and professional life is the following:  If one can develop just one ritual, discipline, or practice that is done daily to quiet the mind and bring one back to a sense of centeredness, one can always add other daily practices later. Being true to that one practice can have a transformational effect on our lives.

Returning to my practices, no matter how long I have been away from them, always feels like returning home. Feeling safe in the midst of a thunderstorm.

It was a dark and stormy night…..

Tuesday, September 8, 2010, New Moon night.

It was a dark and stormy night at the campground. Winds blew the rain sideways as it whistled through the valley. Two camping groups took down their tents and left the campground. Two tents that remained unattended bobbed about in the wind like helium balloons tethered to the ground by one stake. A golden retriever huddled behind the front wheel on the downwind side of the truck awaited the arrival of two bike riders who would not be returning until after the storm.


In less than an hour, the wind and rain stopped. The bike riders returned to give comfort to their pet and to re-attach their tents to the earth. As blue patches of sky soon appeared over the treetops in the west, three news helicopters flew overhead at low altitude; a hint that something ominous had occurred nearby. The park ranger who came by later to check on the camp ground indicated he had heard on his radio that a tornado had touched down a few miles east of the park.


September 12, 2010, Sunday morning,

By contrast, the remainder of the retreat gave clear skies, sunshine, and cool nights, making for ideal hiking weather and nighttime campfires.


Taking this annual retreat alone has been a way to reconnect with nature and to the body and soul. It has been an annual time of taking stock of my lifestyle. And it is the annual time of re-visioning what I intend for the focus of my life in the following year – what is to be made more central, and what will allowed to be more peripheral.


A retreat journal I have been keeping for the past five years is always kept in a Ziploc bag to protect it from changing weather conditions. Using it only for this retreat time gives me an opportunity to review the past year; looking over last year’s comments, reflecting on changes that I had made commitments to change, and noting how some things in life seem to take longer to shift.

For those of you who do not know me, this is the time of year I attend to my annual ritual of a solitary retreat, taking my tent camper to an empty state park campground for the week. When I arrive late on Labor Day Monday, the campers are gone, the dumpsters are spilling over with trash, and only raccoons or cats scavenging for food can be seen in the campground.

A friend of mine remarked, “How can you spend a week by yourself? The most I have ever done is one day.”

After spending the mornings meditating and writing in the retreat journal, it is time to take a 3 hour hike on trails through woods and steep terrain. After an early dinner, I settle by the campfire or the river to read until dark, then retiring to sleep until the herons awaken me. (When I say dark, I mean dark, -- moonless, no electricity, stars only, dark. )

The retreat is an annual ritual; a time without human contact, a time to read, write and reflect on the life I have watched and lived over the past year.

“The life which is unexamined is not worth living.” Plato noted a few years ago.

Listening to the inner dialogue on retreat helps me find meaning in this life.

What are the characteristics of creative couples?


Periodically, I find in my practice, couples who consist of two people, each gifted in their own way in some physical, spiritual, psychological or creative way, who managed to find each other. While not totally rare, it is uncommon.
Over the past two decades, as my brain does its pattern recognition, I begin to build my own list of characteristics for "these couples" (I don't really know what to call them). In these next few blog posts, I want to begin to describe these creative couples; their characteristics, how they meet, their early relationship, and their relationship style.


CHARACTERISTICS: Here is a list of some common traits shared by these couples.

- each of the persons seems to have been on their own sojourn, or journey, often feeling that they a bit of a wanderer on some solo sojourn, searching for someplace, or person.

- each of the persons often is involved in their own spiritual or creative development; often having some form of regular ritual.

- at least one the persons, usually has had the experience of being the one that is estranged, different, "orphaned", or in some respects, separate from others in their family of origin.

- usually, at least one and sometimes, both of their lines of psychological, or career development is nontraditional, often being different from that of others within the family.

- developmentally, one or both of them have a relatively androgynous personality, that is, having interests and abilities that range along a broad continuum of characteristics we traditionally ascribe as either masculine or feminine.

- for one, or both, it is a subsequent marriage/partnership. It is rare for both parties to have this is their first marriage or partnership arrangement.

- significant age differential between the two parties is not uncommon; in fact, more likely to be the rule than the exception, with 7 to 14 years being the most common age span.

- couples of this nature, carry with them an energetic, auric field around the two of them that is noticeable whenever they appear at social functions. Their presence, or absence, is noticeable. They bring a noticeable energy to the group by their shared presence; an energy that neither of them brings on their own.

Next: How do they find each other? What is the early part of the relationship like for them? How do they keep their relationship vital?